The seven most wonderfully ridiculous moments in Fifty Shades Darker

The seven most wonderfully ridiculous moments in Fifty Shades Darker Fifty Shades Darker. Photograph: Doane Gregory/Universal Pictures/PA

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‘Dakota Johnson in particular deserves a parade through the center of town for somehow carrying this ludicrous material on her shoulders’ ...

Article from Guardian by Jordan Hoffman

 

Grab your popcorn, gummy worms and nipple clamps, Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele (yes, those are the characters’ names) have returned to cinemas. Fifty Shades Darker, the less fussy, more silly sequel to Fifty Shades of Grey is getting spanked by most critics, but these are people who can’t seem to find pleasure in pain.

 

No one involved in this production thinks they are making great art, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t taking it seriously. Dakota Johnson in particular deserves a parade through the center of town for somehow carrying this ludicrous material on her shoulders and making it as watchable as it is. There’s a splendid, upbeat and ultimately warm night at the pictures ahead of you, if you go in with the right frame of mind. To prepare (or, if you like, spoil), here are the seven most wonderfully ridiculous things about Fifty Shades Darker .

 

Around the globe

Coco Chanel said that before leaving the house, a woman should remove one accessory. EL James does not agree. Before a benefit party, Christian Grey inserts two Ben Wa balls into Ms Steele’s most private area, and suggests she wear them for the entire evening. The fact that his parents and siblings will also be in attendance doesn’t seem to be an issue.

 

There’s a marvelous criss-cross of coincidence going on here. All the swells are dressed up (and masked) to raise funds for a nondescript children’s charity. The founder of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children was, in fact, the Rev Benjamin Waugh. Could there be a more clear salute to that great man?

 

And the horse you rode in on

After a night of soul-quaking love-making (and nightmares about an abusive mother) Christian Grey works on his mighty abs in his private gym. First the shirtless pull-ups, then, close enough to the window so anyone in Seattle can look up to his tower and see, he suspends himself over his personal pommel horse and … stays there. So Lonely by the Police kicks it on the soundtrack and Anastasia looks on longingly, biting her lip, thinking “there’s my man”.

 

Now that’s Riddickulous

The serious heart-to-hearts range between sweet and unbearable, sometimes just sentences apart. Christian finally starts opening up to Anastasia about his past, and when he isn’t talking he lets the decor do some of the work. A big breakthrough comes in his teen bedroom at his folks’ mansion, festooned with pictures of his dead birth mother, a wrestling match program and a poster for the nearly unwatchable Vin Diesel vehicle The Chronicles of Riddick.

 

With Fifty Shades and Riddick both being Universal Pictures properties, maybe the set designer just rifled through some old boxes laying around the office the morning of the shoot? This is the only logical answer I can come up with.

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